首发偶发空缺 (临时空缺)-第93章

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‘It　looks　that　way；’　said　Mattie　breezily；　‘but　it　won’t　make　any　difference　to　you。　Well；　obviously　…’

Three　times　Terri　had　embarked　upon　the　programme　at　Bellchapel。　The　dusty　interior　of　the　converted　church　with　its　partition　walls　and　its　flyers；　the　bathroom　with　its　neon…blue　light　（so　you　could　not　find　veins　and　shoot　up　in　there）；　had　bee　familiar　and　almost　friendly。　Lately；　she　had　begun　to　sense　in　the　workers　there　a　change　in　the　way　they　spoke　to　her。　They　had　all　expected　her　to　fail　again；　in　the　beginning；　but　they　had　started　talking　to　her　the　way　Kay　had　talked：　as　if　they　knew　a　real　person　lived　inside　her　pockmarked；　burned　body。

‘　…　obviously；　it　will　be　different；　but　you　can　get　your　methadone　from　your　GP　instead；’　said　Mattie。　She　flipped　over　pages　in　the　distended　file　that　was　the　state’s　record　of　Terri’s　life。　‘You’re　registered　with　Dr　Jawanda　in　Pagford；　right？　Pagford　…　why　are　you　going　all　the　way　out　there？’

‘I　smacked　a　nurse　at　Cantermill；’　said　Terri；　almost　absent…mindedly。

After　Mattie　had　left；　Terri　sat　for　a　long　time　in　her　filthy　chair　in　the　sitting　room；　gnawing　at　her　nails　until　they　bled。

The　moment　Krystal　came　home；　bringing　Robbie　back　from　nursery；　she　told　her　that　they　were　closing　Bellchapel。

‘They　ain’t　decided　yet；’　said　Krystal　with　authority。

‘The　fuck　do　you　know？’　demanded　Terri。　‘They’re　closin’　it；　and　now　they　say　I’ve　gotta　go　to　fuckin’　Pagford　to　that　bitch　that　killed　Nana　Cath。　Well；　I　fuckin’　ain’t。’

‘You　gotta；’　said　Krystal。

Krystal　had　been　like　this　for　days；　bossing　her　mother；　acting　as　though　she；　Krystal；　was　the　grown…up。

‘I　ain’　gotta　do　fuckin’　anythin’；’　said　Terri　furiously。　‘Cheeky　little　bitch；’　she　added；　for　good　measure。

‘If　you　start　fuckin’　usin’　again；’　said　Krystal；　scarlet　in　the　face；　‘they’ll　take　Robbie　away。’

He　was　still　holding　Krystal’s　hand；　and　burst　into　tears。

‘See？’　both　women　shouted　at　each　other。

‘You’re　fuckin’　doin’　it　to　him！’　shouted　Krystal。　‘An’　anyway；　that　doctor　didn’　do　nuthin’　to　Nana　Cath；　that’s　all　jus’　Cheryl　an’　them　talking　shit！’

‘Fuckin’　little　know…it…all；　ain’t　yeh？’　yelled　Terri。　‘You　know　fuck…all—’

Krystal　spat　at　her。

‘Get　the　fuck　out！’　screamed　Terri；　and　because　Krystal　was　bigger　and　heavier　she　seized　a　shoe　lying　on　the　floor　and　brandished　it。　‘Gerrout！’

‘I　fuckin’　will！’　yelled　Krystal。　‘An’　I’ll　take　Robbie　an’　all；　an’　you　can　stay　here　an’　fuckin’　screw　Obbo　an’　make　another　one！’

She　dragged　the　wailing　Robbie　out　with　her　before　Terri　could　stop　her。

Krystal　marched　him　all　the　way　to　her　usual　refuge；　forgetting　that　at　this　time　in　the　afternoon；　Nikki　would　still　be　hanging　around　outside　somewhere；　not　at　home。　It　was　Nikki’s　mum　who　opened　the　door；　in　her　Asda　uniform。

‘He　ain’　stayin’　’ere；’　she　told　Krystal　firmly；　while　Robbie　whined　and　tried　to　pull　his　hand　from　Krystal’s　tight　grip。　‘Where’s　your　mum？’

‘Home；’　said　Krystal；　and　everything　else　she　wanted　to　say　evaporated　in　the　older　woman’s　stern　gaze。

So　she　returned　to　Foley　Road　with　Robbie；　where　Terri；　bitterly　triumphant；　grabbed　her　son’s　arm；　pulled　him　inside　and　blocked　Krystal　from　entering。

‘’Ad　enough　of　him　already；　’ave　yeh？’　Terri　jeered；　over　Robbie’s　wails。　‘Fuck　off。’

And　she　slammed　the　door。

Terri　had　Robbie　sleep　beside　her　on　her　own　mattress　that　night。　She　lay　awake　and　thought　about　how　little　she　needed　Krystal；　and　ached　for　her　as　badly　as　she　had　ever　craved　smack。

Krystal　had　been　angry　for　days。　The　thing　that　Krystal　had　said　about　Obbo　…

（‘She　said　what？’　he　had　laughed；　incredulously；　when　they　had　met　in　the　street；　and　Terri　had　muttered　something　about　Krystal　being　upset。）

…　he　wouldn’t　have　done　it。　He　couldn’t　have。

Obbo　was　one　of　the　few　people　who　had　hung　around。　Terri　had　known　him　since　she　was　fifteen。　They　had　gone　to　school　together；　hung　out　in　Yarvil　while　she　was　in　care；　swigged　cider　together　beneath　the　trees　on　the　footpath　that　cut　its　way　through　the　small　patch　of　remaining　farmland　beside　the　Fields。　They　had　shared　their　first　joint。

Krystal　had　never　liked　him。　Jealous；　thought　Terri；　watching　Robbie　sleep　in　the　street　light　pouring　through　the　thin　curtains。　Just　jealous。　He’s　done　more　for　me　than　anyone；　thought　Terri　defiantly；　because　when　she　tallied　kindnesses　she　subtracted　abandonment。　Thus　all　of　Nana　Cath’s　care　had　been　annihilated　by　her　rejection。

But　Obbo　had　hidden　her；　once；　from　Ritchie；　the　father　of　her　first　two　children；　when　she　had　fled　the　house　barefoot　and　bleeding。　Sometimes　he　gave　her　free　bags　of　smack。　She　saw　them　as　equivalent　kindnesses。　His　refuges　were　more　reliable　than　the　little　house　in　Hope　Street　that　she　had　once；　for　three　glorious　days；　thought　was　home。

Krystal　did　not　return　on　Saturday　morning；　but　that　was　nothing　new；　Terri　knew　she　must　be　at　Nikki’s。　In　a　rage；　because　they　were　low　on　food；　and　she　was　out　of　cigarettes；　and　Robbie　was　whining　for　his　sister；　she　stormed　into　her　daughter’s　room　and　kicked　her　clothes　around；　searching　for　money　or　the　odd；　overlooked　fag。　Something　clattered　as　she　threw　aside　Krystal’s　crumpled　old　rowing　kit；　and　she　saw　the　little　plastic　jewellery　box；　upended；　with　the　rowing　medal　that　Krystal　had　won；　and　Tessa　Wall’s　watch　lying　beneath　it。

Terri　picked　up　the　watch　and　stared　at　it。　She　had　never　seen　it　before。　She　wondered　where　Krystal　had　got　it。　Her　first　assumption　was　that　Krystal　had　stolen　it；　but　then　she　wondered　whether　she　might　have　been　given　it　by　Nana　Cath；　or　even　left　it　in　Nana　Cath’s　will。　That　was　a　much　more　troubling　thought　than　the　idea　of　the　watch　being　stolen。　The　idea　of　the　sneaky　little　bitch　hiding　it　away；　treasuring　it；　never　mentioning　it　…

Terri　put　the　watch　inside　the　pocket　of　her　tracksuit　bottoms　and　bellowed　for　Robbie　to　e　with　her　to　the　shops。　It　took　ages　to　get　him　into　his　shoes；　and　Terri　lost　her　temper　and　slapped　him。　She　wished　she　could　go　to　the　shop　alone；　but　the　social　workers　did　not　like　you　leaving　kids　behind　in　the　house；　even　though　you　could　get　things　done　much　quicker　without　them。

‘Where’s　Krystal？’　wailed　Robbie；　as　she　manhandled　him　out　of　the　door。　‘I　wan’　Krystal！’

‘I　dunno　where　the　little　tart　is；’　snapped　Terri；　dragging　him　along　the　road。

Obbo　was　on　the　corner　beside　the　supermarket；　talking　to　two　men。　When　he　saw　her　he　raised　a　hand　in　greeting；　and　his　two　panions　walked　away。

‘’Ow’s　Ter？’　he　said。

‘N’bad；’　she　lied。　‘Robbie；　leggo。’

He　was　digging　his　fingers　so　tightly　into　her　thin　leg　that　it　hurt。

‘Listen；’　said　Obbo；　‘couldja　keep　a　bit　more　stuff　for　me　fer　a　bit？’

‘Kinda　stuff？’　asked　Terri；　prising　Robbie　off　her　leg　and　holding　his　hand　instead。

‘Coupla　bags　o’　stuff；’　said　Obbo。　‘Really　help　me　out；　Ter。’

‘’Ow　long　for？’

‘Few　days。　Bring　it　round　this　evenin’。　Will　yeh？’

Terri　thought　of　Krystal；　and　what　she　would　say　if　she　knew。

‘Yeah；　go　on　then；’　said　Terri。

She　remembered　something　else；　and　pulled　Tessa’s　watch　out　of　her　pocket。　‘Gonna　sell　this；　whaddaya　reckon？’

‘Not　bad；’　said　Obbo；　weighing　it　in　his　hand。　‘I’ll　give　yeh　twenty　for　it。　Bring　it　over　tonight？’

Terri　had　thought　the　watch　might　be　worth　more；　but　she　did　not　like　to　challenge　him。

‘Yeah；　all　righ’　then。’

She　took　a　few　steps　towards　the　supermarket　entrance；　hand　in　hand　with　Robbie；　but　then　turned　abruptly。

‘I　ain’　usin’　though；’　she　said。　‘So　don’　bring　…’

‘Still　on　the　mixture？’　he　said；　grinning　at　her　through　his　thick　glasses。　‘Bellchapel’s　done　for；　mind。　All　in　the　paper。’

‘Yeah；’　she　said　miserably；　and　she　tugged　Robbie　towards　the　entrance　of　the　supermarket。　‘I　know。’

I　ain’t　going　to　Pagford；　she　thought；　as　she　picked　biscuits　off　the　shelf。　I　ain’t　going　there。

She　was　almost　inured　to　constant　criticism　and　assessment；　to　the　sideways　glance　of　passers…by；　to　abuse　from　the　neighbours；　but　she　was　not　going　to　go　all